Sorry another rant...read if you care.

Sorry for the massive journals lately but ... I kinda feel bad now. No, no one on deviantart or another any page did something bad to me.

It's a family issue now .__.

I thought I would feel okay next day but no, I'm still grumpy and annoyed, also sad, I shouldn't let  this to make me feel this way but sometimes we can't help and feel bad emotions or feelings.

Yesterday I was talking with my dad about the issue of our cat (the younger cat is ill and he needs to be feed by a pill everyday) I was explaning him some things and I have the bad habit to talk loud but that doesn't mean that I'm yelling or complaning, no, I have that natural habit from my mom (she was used to do the same) and well, guess what? my brother appear from nowhere to ask to my dad (he basically ignored me) why I was complaning/discussing to him.

I tried to talk but he said.

"you can talk to me when you get a job"

I just---what the hell, what kind of excuse is that? I tried, I tried to talk and I said "have a damn job doensn't have anything to do with what we were talking, there aren't even related!" and he still said "so you are telling me that it wouldn't be nice to have one? talk to me when you have one, don't act like you know everything and you're conceited when you don't have as job, don't try to be smart in front of your dad and treat him like that. You're a maintained girl, your dad gives you everything and you still treat him rude" ...and we weren't discussing, even my dad told him that we were just talking about the cat and nothing else. I swore under my breath when he left and he came back to give another comeback, he is just an idiot! he always wants to shut the fuck up others by having the last word. I'm so tired of this, of his way to treat me like I'm useless and shit.

I've never asked a damn thing for myself, I never ask money for myself, I try to spent less money to not bother my dad, I don't bother anyone in that house and... am I coinceited to him? or am I arrogant? fuck this...I'm crying now in the library ha ha ha, my dad said that I should ignore him but how can I? he is my brother, even if I know he wants the best for me (but he shows his love ...in a wrong way) I can't just ignore something from someone I care and I love, even if he hurts me this much, I try to talk and he just screw up everything.

I will ignore him...i don't want to see him, at least, for a while... I'll be out of the sight of him for a day. I really can't anymore, I wish i wouldn't care anymore ...but I have a damn heart inside of me and it's hard to stop caring for that person who has given too much to you, yeah...he did a lot for me and I can't just throw everything from the window.

I'm sorry...I needed to write a bit
gah stupid tears...

;__;""